today at work, i loudly proclaimed "i'm a coke addict" in the breakroom.

gotta work on choosing my words a bit more carefully...

PSA

i just want to take this moment to publicly announce that my sister is awesome. you won't hear me say this often, so take note -- my sister actually rocks!

last night (when i last blogged) i was at 75% of my St Baldrick's goal. this morning i was at 90%. the reason: my sister donated (as much as her poor, college student pockets could manage, which makes it even more awesome that she donated at all) AND she inspired a few other people to donate also!

so, my sister is rockingly awesome. there, i said it.

update

sometimes i have moments where i think "where the hell did the last few hours/days/weeks/months gone?" this is where keeping a blog comes in handy. today i was looking over my last several posts, kinda trying to process the last few weeks. here are some updates...

i did, in fact, get the tv armoire i wanted. here's what it looks like:


i tried to disguise as much as possible that my place is a horrible mess right now. oh well, i still love my new tv stand!

i sent out my st baldrick's email and i've reached 75% of my goal! i'm excited about how well that's going. i'm not raising millions of dollars, or even thousands, but i am accomplishing what i set out to do, and doing a little bit of good. lots of little bits add up to something big, right?

i started my ceramics class, which i LOVE. it is seriously, majorly happy making. i was at the studio all day on sunday. it was my first time using the wheel and although i expected to have a preference for handbuilding, i thoroughly enjoyed it. when i get some finished pieces, i'll post some pics... even if they're ugly :)

and finally, my new year resolutions. i won't go into too much detail here, except to say i actually have been keeping up with them here and there. not perfectly so, but i haven't forgotten them *and* i've actually made little bits of progress at them. go me.

success

i saw this on a magnet today:

To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
-Emerson

i bought it for myself.

Things I Love and Things I Hate...

HATE: people who feed the pigeons at Quincy

i really hate when people feed pigeons (with the exception of people who do it in parks. whatever, you expect pigeons and whatnot in parks. so, fine.) some jackass(es) leave food out for the pigeons at the Quincy station. they don't just sprinkle a few crumbs out - they actually carpet 2 - 3 feet of the sidewalk with food for these birds. the entire block of sidewalk is covered in bird shit. all the commuters who are dashing off to work (including me) have to practically climb over the stupid birds. pigeons are scavengers, so let them fucking scavenge, for goodness sake! if you want to feed the birds for entertainment's sake, then do it at the park! seriously, what is wrong with people? HATE!

LOVE: continuous wear contacts

i wear Acuvue 2 contacts (love 'em!) and recently discovered they can be worn as continuous wear contacts for 7 days (as opposed to taking them out each night for 2 weeks, as i usually do). you know how people say "in theory something is good, but in practice it's not"? well, this is a case of the opposite -- in theory, continuous wear contacts kind of freak me out. it seems gross to wear contacts continuously and not clean them. also, if i nap during the day with my contacts on, they usually get dry and suction-cup themselves to my eyeballs - not fun or comfortable. i figured sleeping in them for 8 hours or so couldn't be a good idea.

well, i tried it for the last week, and oh my god, i love it! in theory, not so swell -- in practice, abso-freakin-lutely awesome! if i wake up in the middle of the night, i can see! when the alarm goes off, i can see! there's never any point in time when i cannot see! i can ALWAYS see!!! for the most part, it's really pretty comfortable. when i first wake up, there's a few minutes of suction-cup-ness. but, a splash of water or a couple of eye drops, and i'm good to go. i'm still a little freaked about damaging my eyes in any way (i have eye/vision issues, if you hadn't noticed) so i'll probably alternate continuous wear with glasses and non-continuous wear. but still, it sure is nice to know i can pretend to be a perfectly-sighted person for a while whenever i want to! LOVE!

St Baldrick's Fundraiser

As many people already know, I am participating in St Baldrick's, which is a fund raiser for childhood cancer research. St Baldrick's participants shave their heads or cut their hair to demonstrate solidarity with children who have cancer and often lose their hair during treatment, while also raising funds for research.

I haven't had a haircut in well over a year and it has grown very long! I plan to cut between 12 to 18 inches of hair for St Baldrick's on March 14, 2008. This hair will then be donated to Locks of Love, an organization that makes wigs for children who've lost their hair for a variety of medical reasons. I am part of a team called Nathan's Network. My teammates will be shaving/cutting their hair to raise money also. Our team is named in honor of a good friend's nephew who lost his battle with Neuroblastoma (a childhood cancer) last summer.

My goal is to raise $500 for St Baldrick's by March 14 and I need your help! If you are able and willing, a donation of any amount would be greatly appreciated and put to good use to help fund childhood cancer research. If you or anyone you know would be interested in donating, please visit my St Baldrick's donation page. Spread the word - tell your friends and family about St Baldrick's!

Whether or not you're able to donate, you are also most welcome to attend the St Baldrick's event from noon til 6pm on March 14, 2008 at Fado's Irish Pub in downtown Chicago (100 W. Grand). You'll get to witness the Nathan's Network team lose their hair! I hope to see you there!

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like more information!

Thanks for your help and support!

It’s bring your neurosis to work day!

sometimes i will impulsively feel the need to clean, often to bring some sense of order to life. usually its no biggie - it ends up just being an impromptu version of my weekly (or biweekly depending on how busy/lazy i am) house cleaning regimen. other times it gets to be a little ridiculous. like how i decided to move large pieces of furniture around - and oooh! let me vacuum and dust these places while i'm at it! - right before having a friend over for dinner in the middle of a saturday evening. sorry, anna! i did manage to get the furniture back into order enough that we had a place to sit, at least.

well, now i feel the need to do this at work today. so instead of working on any number of tasks (and there is no end to my to do list at work these days) i need to do, i am gonna spend a little time clean up my desk, because it is driving me a little nutty.

also, can i just say i love those clorox wipe things? oh, and i hate how god awful computer keyboards are to clean!

ok, fine, so maybe i was a little nutty to begin with...

:)

today i was checking out some websites via IndieFinds.com (anna told me about this one. love, love, love the website; love, love, love anna).

i absolutely covet these gorgeous jewely trays from Shevon Gant Ceramics. i also love just about everything from Little Flower Designs, but especially these tiles -- they'd look really cute in my bathroom or hanging on the wall near my bed.

all this pining over cute ceramics reminded me that i still haven't signed up for the ceramics class i've been wanting to take at Lillstreet Art Center. so i called and found out they changed their website, which is why for the last 2 months whenever i check, the schedule is outdated. so, i signed up! unfortunately the class i really REALLY want to take started yesterday (what luck, eh?) but, i did sign up for a shorter, introductory class that starts sunday. yay! soon i'll be making my own cute accessories and home decor!

resolutions

resolution:

A resolve or determination; the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc; the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute, firmness of purpose.

resolution. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved January 02, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/resolution

I don't remember ever really being gung-ho about new year resolutions. Whenever I've made them, they've been the generic ones everyone else also makes. I never thought them out or cared much. I pretty much forget what they are and just don't think of them beyond January 2nd. But this year, there are a lot of things that i feel strongly about accomplishing, including:

1. Being healthier. Eat better and work out more, those are a given. But also, my goal is to stop living like I don't have health insurance. Because now I do, which means I don't have to wait til I'm dying to go to the doctor. And, I also want to try to do a better job of taking care of myself emotionally.

2. Be more organized and neat. I live in a small space and can't afford the clutter; the disorganization just makes me anxious. After recently having to share my apartment and feeling like I didn't want to come home at the end of the day, making my place feel home-y is especially important to me right now. I've gotten a head start on this. I've started throwing away stuff I don't need (why do I need a corny glass from the Rain Forest Cafe when I never use it and can't remember purchasing it or receiving it as a gift?!), doing some heavy duty cleaning & organizing (I cleaned out and organized my kitchen cupboards, hung some hooks, cleaned my oven, and cleaned out the fridge. Not a bad start!). I also got some new, pretty storage/shelf things and the new (very cute) TV stand is on its way.

3. Be more financially responsible. This is gonna be a tough one. I'd like to be better about sticking to a budget. I have a budget, have had one for a long time, and keep it updated and current. But I never use it. It's for looks only, which is not exactly the point. This means that once I've already spent the amount I've allotted for fun stuff, I have to say no to fun spending. Saving is also a new focus for me. I've been working on that for a little while and doing well, I just need to keep it up.

4. Be happier. Less moping. More fun stuff. This means taking that ceramics class I've been wanting to take for over a year, taking the belly dance classes that I like, reading for fun more. Doing things that make me feel good. I know this seems like it is in direct conflict with the previous resolution, but it's not really. Because to me, part of the point of doing the work of saving money (and for me, it is indeed work) is to be able to do or have the things that are important to you.

5. Spend more quality time with family and friends. I definitely pulled away and distanced myself from people this last year. In part, it was an effort to maintain the illusion that I am strong, I am ok, I don't need anyone's help. It also had a lot to do with the overwhelming sense that people suck and can't be trusted. But, I am extremely lucky to have a handful of really spectacular friends. So I'm going to try not to shut them out, even when the going gets tough and I'm having a hard time. Over the holidays, I also got a reminder of how enjoyable time with my family can be. Not just my immediate family, but some of my extended family that I don't always do a good job of keeping in touch with. So, I'll try.

I know new year resolutions have a bad rap. People joke about how they don't last, etc. and, I've always been one to bash them myself. But this year, for the first time ever probably, I actually do have new year resolutions.

Here’s to 2008...

Cake, I Will Survive

Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I.
I will survive,
As long as I know how to love, I know I'll be alive.
I've got all my life to live.
I've got all my love to give.
I will survive.

India Arie, There’s Hope

There's hope.
It doesn't cost a thing to smile.
You don't have to pay to laugh.
You better thank God for that.

The Kooks, See the World

Do you want to see the world?
Do you want to see the world?
Do you want to see the world?
In a different way, yeah.

2007 in review...

Tegan and Sara, Where Does the Good Go?

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow?
What do you do with the left over you?
And how do you know, when to let go?
Where does the good go, where does the good go?
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive.
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go.
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love.
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen.

My Chemical Romance, I’m Not OK

I'm okay!
I'm okay, now.
But you really need to listen to me,
Because I'm telling you the truth.
I mean this, I'm okay!
Trust me.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
Well, I'm not okay.
I'm not o-fucking-kay.

The Fray, How to Save a Life

As he begins to raise his voice,
You lower yours and grant him one last choice.
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed.
He will do one of two things:
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Rilo Kiley, Portions for Foxes

There's blood in my mouth cuz I’ve been biting my tongue all week.
I keep on talking trash, but I never say anything.
And the talking leads to touching,
And the touching leads to sex,
And then there is no mystery left.
And it's bad news, baby I’m bad news.
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news.
I know I’m alone if I’m with or without you,
But just being around you offers me another form of relief.
When the loneliness leads to bad dreams,
And the bad dreams lead me to calling you,
And I call you and say "C'mere!"

The Zutons, Pressure Point

I can't get this pressure point out of my head.
I can't get this pressure point out of my head.
I feel it in work, you know, I feel it in bed.
I can't get this pressure point out of my head.
Pressure pressure pressure pressure...
Pressure Pressure Pressure Pressure...

Amy Winehouse, Rehab

The man said, 'Why do you think you here?'
I said, 'I got no idea.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my baby
so I always keep a bottle near.'
He said, 'I just think you’re depressed.
Kiss me, yeah baby, and go rest'.
They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'No, no, no.'
Yes, I've been black, but when I come back you'll know, know, know.
I don't ever wanna drink again.
I just, ooh I just need a friend,
I'm not gonna spend ten weeks
have everyone think I'm on the mend,
It's not just my pride,
It's just 'til these tears have dried.

Feist, Limit to Your Love

There's a limit to your love
Like a waterfall in slow motion
Like a map with no ocean
There's a limit to your love.
There's a limit to you care
So carelessly there
Is it truth or dare
There's a limit to your care.
I love, I love, I love
This dream of going upstream.
I love, I love, I love
The trouble that you give me.
I know, I know, I know
That only I can save me.
I'll go, I'll go, I'll go
Right down the road.

Beyonce, Me Myself & I

Me, myself, and I
That's all I got in the end.
That's what I found out.
And it ain't no need to cry.
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend.

India Arie, The Heart of the Matter

I've been learning to live without you now,
But I miss you sometimes.
The more I know, the less I understand.
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again.
I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter.
But I think it's about forgiveness,
Forgiveness,
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore.

Amy Winehouse, You Should Be Stronger Than Me

You should be stronger than me.
You been here 7 years longer than me.
Don't you know you're supposed to be the man,
Not pale in comparison to who you think I am.
You always wanna talk it through - I don't care!
I always have to comfort you when I'm there.
But that's what I need you to do - stroke my hair!

CSS, Fuck Off is Not the Only Thing You Have to Show

You wake up
You don't wanna live today.
You make up
You wanna look good again.
You break up
You feel like crashing down.
You go to work
You wanna skip this round right now.
Right no-o-o-o-ow
Right now
Right no-o-o-o-ow
You feel like you wanna change your life today.
You feel bad cuz you didn't make it yesterday.
You fall back
You think you ain't enough.
You fall down
It's hard to get
Up alone
Alo-o-o-o-one
Up alone
Alo-o-o-o-one
Fuck off is not the only thing you have to show
Fuck off is not the only thing you have to show
Fuck off is not the only thing you have to show
Fuck off is not the only thing you have to show...

Matchbox 20, How Far We’ve Come

I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know.
Then I can't remember caring for an hour or so.
Started crying and I couldn't stop myself.
I started running but there's no where to run to.
I sat down on the street, took a look at myself,
Said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell.
Say all goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to.
I believe the world is burning to the ground.
Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out.
Let's see how far we've come (right now),
Let's see how far we've come.
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end.
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend.
Let's see how far we've come,
Let's see how far we've come.