my mom and i went shopping today. *grin* i am happy. i have pretty new curtains and some gorgeous pillows, to make my place more home-y. i got some clothes, but my favorite purchase is a pair of black strappy wedge sandals. i tried them on and my mom asked how i liked them. i smiled and said "they make my heart happy". another shopper who was in the aisle with us laughed and said that if they make me that happy, i should get them. so i did :-) now i need a pedicure and ill be ready for spring/summer!
ps. its storming out (i like to listen to thunderstorms from inside) and i got some new flamenco music too....my heart is REALLY happy! :)
Mar 31, 2007
Mar 29, 2007
hung out with anna today, which was great as always. we went for a walk - a thing we seem to be doing a lot these days. im glad about that. walking through the park and along the lake has become my favorite thing lately. its calming and when im by the lake i just feel at ease. i feel settled and at home here - in this neighborhood, my apartment.
my parents separated while i was away at college. my mom moved out and my dad basically fell apart and lost the house. when i came home for break, my mom had moved into a tiny basement apartment that was barely big enough for her and my sibs (who were still in high school/jr high). they had moved and made a home without me. i was always welcome there and had a place to stay (even if it was just crashing on the couch). but it wasnt my home -- a home is something people build and i wasnt around for the building process. zach braff perfectly expresses this sentiment in the movie "garden state":
i lost that sense of home being a permanent place located in my parents' house. because of that, ive always been pretty good about making a home for myself wherever i am. its funny cuz i am the only person i know who called the dorm "home" in college. other people said "home" and meant their parents' place. when i talked about visiting my family, i always said i went to "my mom/dad's place". when people said they were going home, sometimes i would have to ask "home home or your parents' place?" to clarify.
so, feeling at home in my first apartment wasnt a problem for me. but its different now because i think im now at the point of not just feeling at home here, but having roots here. and really, its a different thing. i cant remember the last time i had that feeling and its really nice to have that now. theres a sense of stability and security in that, which i think is important for me right now.
"Peace - that was the other name for home." ~Kathleen Norris
my parents separated while i was away at college. my mom moved out and my dad basically fell apart and lost the house. when i came home for break, my mom had moved into a tiny basement apartment that was barely big enough for her and my sibs (who were still in high school/jr high). they had moved and made a home without me. i was always welcome there and had a place to stay (even if it was just crashing on the couch). but it wasnt my home -- a home is something people build and i wasnt around for the building process. zach braff perfectly expresses this sentiment in the movie "garden state":
i lost that sense of home being a permanent place located in my parents' house. because of that, ive always been pretty good about making a home for myself wherever i am. its funny cuz i am the only person i know who called the dorm "home" in college. other people said "home" and meant their parents' place. when i talked about visiting my family, i always said i went to "my mom/dad's place". when people said they were going home, sometimes i would have to ask "home home or your parents' place?" to clarify.
so, feeling at home in my first apartment wasnt a problem for me. but its different now because i think im now at the point of not just feeling at home here, but having roots here. and really, its a different thing. i cant remember the last time i had that feeling and its really nice to have that now. theres a sense of stability and security in that, which i think is important for me right now.
"Peace - that was the other name for home." ~Kathleen Norris
Mar 28, 2007
i <3 DSM IV TR
can i just say (of course i can, its my blog!) that i LOVE Television Without Pity recaps! they are so wonderfully snarky! i love snark!
in the most recent recap for Lost (last week's episode) the recapper mentions the DSM. not only do they mention the DSM, but they mention it by edition -- the DSM IV! im impressed. not as impressed as if they'd have referred to the DSM IV TR (text revision of the DSM IV -- i think they just adjusted some of the descriptions to reflect new research without changing much in terms of diagnostic categories and criteria...when they do that, i think they will name it DSM V...thats my understanding, tho i could be wrong).
so anyway...here is the quote (no real spoilers here, so it should be ok to read if you missed last week's episode):
"The cubicle denizen informs him (with a head bobble, but no finger waggin') that it's her business because if the state is going to continue to pay his disability, she needs to determine if his condition has improved. Improved by hypothetically seeking out the biological parents that abandoned him to foster care as a child? How would that improve anyone's condition? Unless your condition is "Painful Pursuits" or "Unhappy Endings." Are those in the DSM IV?"
hehe, maybe we can push to have these diagnoses included in DSM V??
actually...Painful Pursuit and Unhappy Ending type things are most likely to end up classified as an Adjustment Disorder. man, i am a nerd. but i know my DSM! i wrote a research paper about it last year - about the history of its development, its strengths and weaknesses, etc. leave it to me to enjoy a boring topic like this, while other people were writing papers about unethical sexual misconduct between patients and therapists, or suicide.
my biggest beef with the DSM is that its heavily influenced by cultural issues and beliefs. for example, the inclusion and removal of homosexuality as a diagnosis in the DSM (this is the short version -- it was actually included, then changed in a way that people at the time thought was more appropriate, but was later determined to just be a different way of stigmatizing gay and lesbian people). another example is eating disorders. perhaps eating disorders do occur more frequently in women vs men...but when we include gender specific criteria (i.e. amenorrhea, which is when a women stops getting her period, in this case because she is undernourished)in the diagnosis, we sure do tip the scales in that direction, dont we? (as an aside -- im not saying this criteria should be removed, but there should be an equivalent criteria for men...or it should be a more general item the gist of which is that the person is undernourished and experiencing physical signs of it).
i also think its interesting how strong a pull there is to make psych follow a medical model. when the DSM was in the works...the medical field was already in full swing, and the desire to have a classification system like the DSM in part came from using the medical model as a guide. on the one hand, its good in the sense of encouraging the scientific side of psychology. but, its also constraining to try to make psych fit a medical model because its not the same. take 10 people with the common cold. they would all have nearly the same symptoms. take 10 people with depression, and theres a good chance they will have a lot of different symptoms. and its because the criteria for diagnosing a mental illness work very differently. there are 9 different criteria for diagnosing depression and a person only has to meet 5 to be diagnosed. and if they are diagnosed, they can have anywhere between 5 and 9 of the symptoms. so imagine how many different possible symptom combinations there are for this one illness!
oh. my. god. i am such a nerd! but i love when things like this pop up, and i get all into it, and i remember all ive learned. it reminds me that i really do love this stuff...i made the right choice to pursue psych. :)
in the most recent recap for Lost (last week's episode) the recapper mentions the DSM. not only do they mention the DSM, but they mention it by edition -- the DSM IV! im impressed. not as impressed as if they'd have referred to the DSM IV TR (text revision of the DSM IV -- i think they just adjusted some of the descriptions to reflect new research without changing much in terms of diagnostic categories and criteria...when they do that, i think they will name it DSM V...thats my understanding, tho i could be wrong).
so anyway...here is the quote (no real spoilers here, so it should be ok to read if you missed last week's episode):
"The cubicle denizen informs him (with a head bobble, but no finger waggin') that it's her business because if the state is going to continue to pay his disability, she needs to determine if his condition has improved. Improved by hypothetically seeking out the biological parents that abandoned him to foster care as a child? How would that improve anyone's condition? Unless your condition is "Painful Pursuits" or "Unhappy Endings." Are those in the DSM IV?"
hehe, maybe we can push to have these diagnoses included in DSM V??
actually...Painful Pursuit and Unhappy Ending type things are most likely to end up classified as an Adjustment Disorder. man, i am a nerd. but i know my DSM! i wrote a research paper about it last year - about the history of its development, its strengths and weaknesses, etc. leave it to me to enjoy a boring topic like this, while other people were writing papers about unethical sexual misconduct between patients and therapists, or suicide.
my biggest beef with the DSM is that its heavily influenced by cultural issues and beliefs. for example, the inclusion and removal of homosexuality as a diagnosis in the DSM (this is the short version -- it was actually included, then changed in a way that people at the time thought was more appropriate, but was later determined to just be a different way of stigmatizing gay and lesbian people). another example is eating disorders. perhaps eating disorders do occur more frequently in women vs men...but when we include gender specific criteria (i.e. amenorrhea, which is when a women stops getting her period, in this case because she is undernourished)in the diagnosis, we sure do tip the scales in that direction, dont we? (as an aside -- im not saying this criteria should be removed, but there should be an equivalent criteria for men...or it should be a more general item the gist of which is that the person is undernourished and experiencing physical signs of it).
i also think its interesting how strong a pull there is to make psych follow a medical model. when the DSM was in the works...the medical field was already in full swing, and the desire to have a classification system like the DSM in part came from using the medical model as a guide. on the one hand, its good in the sense of encouraging the scientific side of psychology. but, its also constraining to try to make psych fit a medical model because its not the same. take 10 people with the common cold. they would all have nearly the same symptoms. take 10 people with depression, and theres a good chance they will have a lot of different symptoms. and its because the criteria for diagnosing a mental illness work very differently. there are 9 different criteria for diagnosing depression and a person only has to meet 5 to be diagnosed. and if they are diagnosed, they can have anywhere between 5 and 9 of the symptoms. so imagine how many different possible symptom combinations there are for this one illness!
oh. my. god. i am such a nerd! but i love when things like this pop up, and i get all into it, and i remember all ive learned. it reminds me that i really do love this stuff...i made the right choice to pursue psych. :)
Mar 27, 2007
what is up with bitches and their candles?!
today i stumbled upon this clip of Mary Lynn "im not super sexy, im just normal sexy" Rajskub (who plays Chloe on 24). LOVE her -- she cracked me up!
so then i found some stuff with her on youtube and i loved it also. i have avoided the 24 hype (for lack of time and decent reception on Fox), but now ihave to check it out!
"i dont have time for your sexist, racist generalizations"
"you dont want me to punch you or anything?"
"do you think Gloria Esteban enjoyed herself when she was recording 'Come on pretty baby wont you do that conga'?"
so then i found some stuff with her on youtube and i loved it also. i have avoided the 24 hype (for lack of time and decent reception on Fox), but now i
"you dont want me to punch you or anything?"
"do you think Gloria Esteban enjoyed herself when she was recording 'Come on pretty baby wont you do that conga'?"
Mar 26, 2007
been having trouble with the master's stuff. not cuz its hard, but because i havent been able to concentrate and have zero motivation/interest. and yea, ive got a nice excuse. and my friends point out that, yea ive had a rough time for awhile. which is true. but it just clicked for me right now -- it only derails me cuz i let it. and quite simply, i just need to stop.
last night, i got into a groove. i was in the zone, working at max capacity and i finished 2 out of 5 sections of my portfolio. not bad considering i have been tinkering with the damn thing for weeks with almost nothing to show for it. i had a system going and i worked solidly from about 9 to 5. and then i got derailed again. and it just occured to me now while im moping that i need to get over myself. i mean seriously, no one's died. im healthy, ive got all my basic needs met. what the fuck have i got to complain about? really now, who doesnt have problems? what i need to do is just get over myself. what i really really need to do is let shit go. i just need to stop letting myself get derailed, move forward, finish this project, and enjoy my life. end of confrontation with myself.
last night, i got into a groove. i was in the zone, working at max capacity and i finished 2 out of 5 sections of my portfolio. not bad considering i have been tinkering with the damn thing for weeks with almost nothing to show for it. i had a system going and i worked solidly from about 9 to 5. and then i got derailed again. and it just occured to me now while im moping that i need to get over myself. i mean seriously, no one's died. im healthy, ive got all my basic needs met. what the fuck have i got to complain about? really now, who doesnt have problems? what i need to do is just get over myself. what i really really need to do is let shit go. i just need to stop letting myself get derailed, move forward, finish this project, and enjoy my life. end of confrontation with myself.
i have a big head...
And little arms.
lol, that scene just sets me off in fits of giggles!
Meet the Robinsons trailer
i guess im just easily amused. in any case, i love it. id consider paying to see this in the theater just for the dinosaur. :)
lol, that scene just sets me off in fits of giggles!
i guess im just easily amused. in any case, i love it. id consider paying to see this in the theater just for the dinosaur. :)
Mar 25, 2007
lately, ive been wondering if 25 is maybe the worst age to be. then i realized the problem is not so much my age as the point in my life that ive reached. i suspect most everyone gets here some time or another, and it doesnt happen at a specific age. im basically at a point when suddenly i dont know who i am anymore. i mean, i know the facts -- 25 yrs old, short, puerto rican, oldest of 3, college educated, loves reading and movies, good listener, a caretaker and people pleaser, etc. but what does all of that even mean?
several times over the last year, i thought i must be having a mid-mid-life crisis, but maybe its really an existential crisis -- who am i? whats important to me? what do i need and want from this life and how am i going to get those things? whats going to make me happy? maybe midlife crises are really just a collection of symptoms of the deeper problem - the existential one, finding out who you are and what this life is meant for.
i was talking to a friend recently about how easy it was in undergrad to churn out papers and how different it is now. my friend pointed out that being a student is no longer a primary part of my identity. and its true. school is becoming a smaller and smaller part of my world right now. i cant even remember the last time i was on campus, over a month at least. i have always loved school, always been good at it. my education has always been the most important thing to me. its taken up a huge chunk of my energy and time for almost all of my life. now i find myself in a position of being done with school. not just in the sense of finishing and graduating (altho thats nearly true) but also in the sense of emotionally being done with it and not wanting to have anything to do with it anymore. and i just dont even know what to do with myself. i feel lost.
logically, the next steps are clear -- i look for a job, work on getting licensed, and start a career. but i cant help but get swept away with disorientation at this huge transition. this thing that has been a huge part of my life for as long as i can remember -- a thing that my identity is tied to, a thing that i came to define my success with -- is done and gone. and it has to be because im completely burned out and turned off by school right now. and someday, i may go on for a phd. but right now, its over. in combination with the ending of a long term relationship, and i feel like the ground has moved out from underneath me. i dont know where i stand anymore. im in unfamiliar, undefined territory and i cant help but feel scared and anxious.
its not like me to not finish something (it is like me to finish at the last minute, but i always finish!), especially when it comes to school. and now i am coming dangerously close to not finishing my master's (and trust me, im not in need of lecturing about the wastefulness and stupidity of that --im fully aware of it). i cant help but wonder how much of this situation has to do with my reluctance to let go of the life i had and the person i was, even though they are already gone.
several times over the last year, i thought i must be having a mid-mid-life crisis, but maybe its really an existential crisis -- who am i? whats important to me? what do i need and want from this life and how am i going to get those things? whats going to make me happy? maybe midlife crises are really just a collection of symptoms of the deeper problem - the existential one, finding out who you are and what this life is meant for.
i was talking to a friend recently about how easy it was in undergrad to churn out papers and how different it is now. my friend pointed out that being a student is no longer a primary part of my identity. and its true. school is becoming a smaller and smaller part of my world right now. i cant even remember the last time i was on campus, over a month at least. i have always loved school, always been good at it. my education has always been the most important thing to me. its taken up a huge chunk of my energy and time for almost all of my life. now i find myself in a position of being done with school. not just in the sense of finishing and graduating (altho thats nearly true) but also in the sense of emotionally being done with it and not wanting to have anything to do with it anymore. and i just dont even know what to do with myself. i feel lost.
logically, the next steps are clear -- i look for a job, work on getting licensed, and start a career. but i cant help but get swept away with disorientation at this huge transition. this thing that has been a huge part of my life for as long as i can remember -- a thing that my identity is tied to, a thing that i came to define my success with -- is done and gone. and it has to be because im completely burned out and turned off by school right now. and someday, i may go on for a phd. but right now, its over. in combination with the ending of a long term relationship, and i feel like the ground has moved out from underneath me. i dont know where i stand anymore. im in unfamiliar, undefined territory and i cant help but feel scared and anxious.
its not like me to not finish something (it is like me to finish at the last minute, but i always finish!), especially when it comes to school. and now i am coming dangerously close to not finishing my master's (and trust me, im not in need of lecturing about the wastefulness and stupidity of that --im fully aware of it). i cant help but wonder how much of this situation has to do with my reluctance to let go of the life i had and the person i was, even though they are already gone.
Mar 24, 2007
ole?
not too long ago, i had dinner with my mom at Café Ba-ba-reeba on a night when they had a flamenco dinner show. it was a great show and i highly recommend it; the food was descent. the musicians and dancers were from the Soleo dance company. i loved the show and was impressed with both the dancing and the music.
much to my family’s disbelief and disappointment, ive never really enjoyed spanish (the language, not the country) music much. dont get me wrong -- it is great for dancing and I appreciate that. but its not a type of music ive ever really connected with very much (added to my inability to dance, and it makes my family question my puerto rican-ness). but i was really intrigued by the style of music at the flamenco performance. ive been wanting to find music similar to what i heard at the show. today (while procrastinating), i was trying to find some music on itunes that would satisfy my curiosity.
so i ended up buying Techari by Ojos de Brujo. their music definitely has a flamenco influence to it. i really like it and the style reminds me of the flamenco music i heard at the dinner show. here's a music video of my favorite song, Sultanas de Merkaillo:
here's a clip of Ojos de Brujo performing live (with dancing!):
part of what i like is the use of percussion and the clapping/stomping/snapping that drive the music. i also really like the style of singing. i know nothing about music whatsoever, so i dont know the technical way to describe it. i just enjoy the way the singers use their voices. it has a wailing kind of quality, which is the only way i can think of to describe it. its surprising to me that i enjoy it because i have always HATED mariachi music for its whiny/wailing quality. but somehow, done this way -- it works for me. anyway, im reallying enjoying this music. i dont buy music often, but i think this was worth it!
much to my family’s disbelief and disappointment, ive never really enjoyed spanish (the language, not the country) music much. dont get me wrong -- it is great for dancing and I appreciate that. but its not a type of music ive ever really connected with very much (added to my inability to dance, and it makes my family question my puerto rican-ness). but i was really intrigued by the style of music at the flamenco performance. ive been wanting to find music similar to what i heard at the show. today (while procrastinating), i was trying to find some music on itunes that would satisfy my curiosity.
so i ended up buying Techari by Ojos de Brujo. their music definitely has a flamenco influence to it. i really like it and the style reminds me of the flamenco music i heard at the dinner show. here's a music video of my favorite song, Sultanas de Merkaillo:
here's a clip of Ojos de Brujo performing live (with dancing!):
part of what i like is the use of percussion and the clapping/stomping/snapping that drive the music. i also really like the style of singing. i know nothing about music whatsoever, so i dont know the technical way to describe it. i just enjoy the way the singers use their voices. it has a wailing kind of quality, which is the only way i can think of to describe it. its surprising to me that i enjoy it because i have always HATED mariachi music for its whiny/wailing quality. but somehow, done this way -- it works for me. anyway, im reallying enjoying this music. i dont buy music often, but i think this was worth it!
Mar 22, 2007
"I'm a question mark, a walking talking question mark."
i am realizing a truth about myself which i dont really like, and it is that i actually have to relearn how to be on my own again. i have to relearn to be single and independent, confident, happy with myself, self-assured - all of those things.
i used to be independent and i didnt need anyone cuz i could take care of my own damn self, thank you very much. and maybe some of that was a facade, but i think mostly it was true. its not that i didnt want to be in a relationship, just that i didnt need to be in one. i was perfectly fine going along enjoying my life with complete faith that things would happen when they do, feeling no pressure, no urgency or panic.
after lots of struggling to get there, i was a person who was fairly comfortable in her skin, reasonably confident, and mostly together. not in a have it all and know it all way, but in a way where whatever that wasnt together -- i was ok with it and had faith it would eventually come together. i dont know what happened to that person or when she disappeared. or maybe i am wrong and she was never really there to begin with.
i dont really feel like i know anything any more. i feel unraveled, anxious, uncertain. sometimes i feel like there is a barely contained panic welling up inside me. and other times, i realize everything is fine. i am going to be fine. i am going get back to that put together state again. i am going to be happy again. im going to find all of that again.
and part of me understands that this is just what happens when a 4+ year relationship ends. when the things you think you know - you dont know anymore. when the puzzle you thought you almost finished gets torn apart and you have to figure out how to put it back together, but the pieces are different now and you dont yet know what to do with them. so i guess the only thing that makes sense is to take a deep breath, calm down, and get back to work until you figure out the puzzle again?
i used to be independent and i didnt need anyone cuz i could take care of my own damn self, thank you very much. and maybe some of that was a facade, but i think mostly it was true. its not that i didnt want to be in a relationship, just that i didnt need to be in one. i was perfectly fine going along enjoying my life with complete faith that things would happen when they do, feeling no pressure, no urgency or panic.
after lots of struggling to get there, i was a person who was fairly comfortable in her skin, reasonably confident, and mostly together. not in a have it all and know it all way, but in a way where whatever that wasnt together -- i was ok with it and had faith it would eventually come together. i dont know what happened to that person or when she disappeared. or maybe i am wrong and she was never really there to begin with.
i dont really feel like i know anything any more. i feel unraveled, anxious, uncertain. sometimes i feel like there is a barely contained panic welling up inside me. and other times, i realize everything is fine. i am going to be fine. i am going get back to that put together state again. i am going to be happy again. im going to find all of that again.
and part of me understands that this is just what happens when a 4+ year relationship ends. when the things you think you know - you dont know anymore. when the puzzle you thought you almost finished gets torn apart and you have to figure out how to put it back together, but the pieces are different now and you dont yet know what to do with them. so i guess the only thing that makes sense is to take a deep breath, calm down, and get back to work until you figure out the puzzle again?
Mar 21, 2007
notes to myself
"The unexamined life is not worth living." -Socrates
"The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself." -Mark Twain
"We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves." -La Rochefoucauld
"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." -Kurt Vonnegut
"Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." -Frank Herbert
"It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over." -Edna St. Vincent Millay
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon." -Woody Allen
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon
"Happiness depends upon ourselves." -Aristotle
"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." -James Oppenheim
"Remember that happiness is a way of travel - not a destination." -Roy M. Goodman
"The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself." -Mark Twain
"We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves." -La Rochefoucauld
"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." -Kurt Vonnegut
"Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." -Frank Herbert
"It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over." -Edna St. Vincent Millay
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon." -Woody Allen
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon
"Happiness depends upon ourselves." -Aristotle
"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." -James Oppenheim
"Remember that happiness is a way of travel - not a destination." -Roy M. Goodman
Mar 20, 2007
at least im not a crackwhore?
so yea, my mom probably thinks im a complete crackpot right now. we had a nice fun chat tonight, and at some point (dont ask me how) i got around to telling her how my new found talent -- my superhuman power, if you will -- is the power of delusion. now partly this is because im in an extremely goofy and silly mood. but partly its cuz its true! lately ive been fond of concocting fantastical schemes that have little to no basis in reality. but its completely fun! my most recent trip to fantasy land (and my favorite, recurring one) is the island one.
take two...
nap's done, patience is back. this is a completely different post than what i had and lost before. after napping, i dont remember what i was talking about before very well. stuff about the weather, asshole college kids who dont turn their cell phones off and talk on them in the library, a pic of lucy, blah de blah. ill put the pic up anyway:
today i came up with a new nickname for the lucy goose. not that she needs another one; im sure she is plenty confused about her identity as it is. im calling her lucifer (my little demon kitty). get it? lucy...lucifer? oh oh! it just got better! Lucyfer! hmm, how bout LucyFUR?! man, i am a genius! *giggle* its probably funny to no one but me, but this is my blog so :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~update~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just so everyone knows exactly why lucyfer is so named -- tonight, she decided to jump INTO my dinner. before i was done eating it. not like she just absently stepped into my food. she jumped smack into the dish, stomping her little paws into my food. evil kitty! cute, but evil.
today i came up with a new nickname for the lucy goose. not that she needs another one; im sure she is plenty confused about her identity as it is. im calling her lucifer (my little demon kitty). get it? lucy...lucifer? oh oh! it just got better! Lucyfer! hmm, how bout LucyFUR?! man, i am a genius! *giggle* its probably funny to no one but me, but this is my blog so :-P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~update~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just so everyone knows exactly why lucyfer is so named -- tonight, she decided to jump INTO my dinner. before i was done eating it. not like she just absently stepped into my food. she jumped smack into the dish, stomping her little paws into my food. evil kitty! cute, but evil.
f$%k
so i just finished this post about being in a good mood and blah blah blah, and something went wrong and it didnt post and i lost it. grr. so much for that!
im taking a nap and hopefully when i wake up ill remember that i was in a good mood.
im taking a nap and hopefully when i wake up ill remember that i was in a good mood.
Mar 15, 2007
my blog's middle name is...
ah, dontcha just love the art of procrastination?
this is one of my new fave websites: http://www.privateislandsonline.com/islandsforsale.htm.
im thoroughly pleased at how relatively cheap it would be to buy an island. house? who needs a house? im buying a freaking island! you know, when im done with the whole grad school thing and have a real job with real money. oh wait, real job? real money? yea, thats not happening...i majored in psychology. *smacks forehead* damn! if only i had known about the island thing sooner!
man, with all the student loans i have, i couldve gotten myself a very nice island! i know, i know...maybe its a little sad that im regretting being in debt for my education instead of an island i can run away to. but right now, an island seems so much more appealing and useful than an education. education schmeducation! and anyway, i can read a book and lay on a beach at the same time! see? its perfect!
sometimes, i just need a run-away-from-the-world-in-the-pursuit-of-completely-blissful-happiness fantasy. and right now, this is it. me on an island of my own. the sun warming my skin. the ocean as my own personal soundtrack to life. no one to bug me (well, there will be a boat so people can visit sometimes, especially people who can bring me stuff that probably doesnt grow on an island -- things like ice cream and toothpaste).
its kinda cool to know that this fantasy is even remotely do-able. i think thats why i love the website so much. it made my fantasy slightly possible. altho to be honest, in the fantasy version, there's a hunky (but MUTE and completely obedient and useful) dude on the island who drives the boat for me, and catches fish or climbs trees for fruit, and builds fires for me and all that good stuff. not quite sure how to make that part happen yet....hmm...must think about this more....
this is one of my new fave websites: http://www.privateislandsonline.com/islandsforsale.htm.
im thoroughly pleased at how relatively cheap it would be to buy an island. house? who needs a house? im buying a freaking island! you know, when im done with the whole grad school thing and have a real job with real money. oh wait, real job? real money? yea, thats not happening...i majored in psychology. *smacks forehead* damn! if only i had known about the island thing sooner!
man, with all the student loans i have, i couldve gotten myself a very nice island! i know, i know...maybe its a little sad that im regretting being in debt for my education instead of an island i can run away to. but right now, an island seems so much more appealing and useful than an education. education schmeducation! and anyway, i can read a book and lay on a beach at the same time! see? its perfect!
sometimes, i just need a run-away-from-the-world-in-the-pursuit-of-completely-blissful-happiness fantasy. and right now, this is it. me on an island of my own. the sun warming my skin. the ocean as my own personal soundtrack to life. no one to bug me (well, there will be a boat so people can visit sometimes, especially people who can bring me stuff that probably doesnt grow on an island -- things like ice cream and toothpaste).
its kinda cool to know that this fantasy is even remotely do-able. i think thats why i love the website so much. it made my fantasy slightly possible. altho to be honest, in the fantasy version, there's a hunky (but MUTE and completely obedient and useful) dude on the island who drives the boat for me, and catches fish or climbs trees for fruit, and builds fires for me and all that good stuff. not quite sure how to make that part happen yet....hmm...must think about this more....
Mar 12, 2007
*giggles*
yea, im a loser, but this really made me laugh! i miss growing pains too!
turns out, im not done being a loser (hehe)....
turns out, im not done being a loser (hehe)....
from The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd
"...I became anxious, filled with that strange turbulence that rises when you begin to wash up on the island of your own little self and you don't see how you could ever sustain yourself there".
Mar 11, 2007
walk by the lake
bummed about losing an hour for daylight savings. and also about wasting all of yesterday. and also about the general suckyness that is life sometimes.
decided to take advantage of a beautiful day (today was gorgeous!). went for a walk by the lake. also remembered to bring my camera and take pics.
even tho it was fairly warm out, there was still some snow and ice in the water and along the beach area. i didnt have to wear a coat, just a long sleeve tshirt and a hooded sweatshirt. there were quite a few people out, and lots of dogs. i enjoyed watching them play on the beach. it made me feel like spring may actually be here soon. weird. this year is going by so fast. and tho im definitely looking forward to spring, time is moving a little too quickly for my taste. its disorienting.
gotta try to make this a regular habit....both the actual using of the camera i was so excited to buy back in november, and also walking by the lake more. we'll see about the blog thing…
decided to take advantage of a beautiful day (today was gorgeous!). went for a walk by the lake. also remembered to bring my camera and take pics.
even tho it was fairly warm out, there was still some snow and ice in the water and along the beach area. i didnt have to wear a coat, just a long sleeve tshirt and a hooded sweatshirt. there were quite a few people out, and lots of dogs. i enjoyed watching them play on the beach. it made me feel like spring may actually be here soon. weird. this year is going by so fast. and tho im definitely looking forward to spring, time is moving a little too quickly for my taste. its disorienting.
gotta try to make this a regular habit....both the actual using of the camera i was so excited to buy back in november, and also walking by the lake more. we'll see about the blog thing…
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