excited ramblings

so christmas turned out to be really low key and rather enjoyable. saturday was the annual holiday grab bag with my mom's side of the family. they are all so goofy and fun; i need to spend more time with them. my mom and i took a TONS of pics, and everyone is smiling and laughing and having a good time. the highlight was my bro dressing up as santa. he made an excellent santa and the kids loved it.





xmas eve morning was a little bit of a rushed craze, but i was at my mom's around noon, and was in a silly mood. we spent the afternoon preparing food, and snacking on food, and preparing food to snack on, lol. a-dawg stopped by to have dinner with us and she brought tons of yummy cookies and homemade pumpkin pie. there was one moment when the desire to punch a particular person in the eye almost got the better of me, but the feeling soon passed. xmas morning we opened presents. i got to wear the santa hat and pass out the gifts. i gave everyone each one present at a time, and then made them play games to see who would open a gift first in each round. the best was paper/rock/scissors, which my grandma just didn't get at all, lol. we wrapped things up by going to see Sweeney Todd. all in all, a good xmas.

oh oh oh! AND, my apartment is all mine again! joy! really, no one should ever have to share a studio apartment with anyone whom they would rather push out of a window than spend 3 weeks attached to the hip with. i mean, not that'd i'd push that person out of a window... i'm just saying, is all...

anywho, i have never been so excited to go home and clean before. you know, the whole nesting and making a cozy home thing. plus, mom's helping me get a new tv stand/entertainment center as part of my xmas gift (my mom really does rock, people!). i think this is the one i want. if my tv fits in it. so i'm all exciting about home-y, decorating stuff and i think one of my goals for this year will be to fix my place up. you know, actually hang the cute stuff i've bought and made on the walls; clean up my closets and sort out my clothes so that my clean laundry does not live in piles on the futon forever; get organized - that kind of stuff. feeling homeless and not having a place to run away to for 3 weeks certainly makes one appreciate having a place of their own, for sure!

also, i got a Rules of the Road book. so who knows, i might actually learn to drive this year! well, next year, which is in like a week, so whatever. and i'm really excited to sign up for my ceramics class, which i've wanted to take for months and months. but yea, i'm feeling kind of good and hopeful and optimistic about 2008 being a better year. it's kind of starting to feel like a chance to start sort of new. and certainly, it couldn't be any worse than this last year, right?

waiting to go home...

“There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.”
~ Margaret Elizabeth Sangster

"By home, we mean a place in which the mind can settle… a refuge to which we flee in the expectation of finding those calm pleasures, those soothing kindnesses, which are the sweetness of life."
~ James Bean

"He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home."
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

leave already

"I burn, burn like a wicker cabinet.
Chalk white and oh - so - frail.
I see our time has gotten stale.
The tick - tock of the clock is painful, all sane and logical.
I wanna tear it off the wall.
I hear words in clips and phrases,
I think sick like ginger ale.
My stomach turns and I exhale...

I would swallow my pride,
I would choke on the rinds,
but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside.
I would swallow my doubt, turn it inside out,
find nothing but faith in nothing.
Wanna put my tender heart in a blender,
watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion."

~Eve 6, "Inside Out"

as if i need any motivation to be angry all the time...

this makes me wish someone would choreograph an angry dance for me!

the mother flippin'

this is the most mother flippin' awesome thing ever!!



"Yes, sometimes my lyrics are sexist. But you lovely bitches and hoes should know I'm trying to correct this."

a fun live version with some extra fun bits:



"Sometimes when I freestyle, I lose confidence."

so positive, you'll wanna puke...

my good friend (tho that phrase doesnt do her justice because she is incredibly, super-duper awesome) has been working on positive thinking, focusing on the positive, etc. i am trying to be supportive of this for 2 reasons: 1) because im just a rockin' friend like that (one without any degree of humbleness right now, apparently, lol) and 2) because i could probably maybe benefit from doing the same. so... in support of this positive thinking campaign, ill start this entry on a positive note. and if i fail, well you know, i tried. so whatever.

my birthday sucked ass (i know this is not sounding positive but just bear with me). i couldnt sleep the night before. i was late to work. i didnt have time to shower in the morning. i looked and felt awful. i spent more of my workday holding back tears than actually working. i wanted to cancel my birthday celebration plans and hide under a rock. and truthfully, the only reason i didnt do so was it seemed like too bratty/tantrum-y a thing to do.

but, i sucked it up and i went out with my friends and my sister and i had a genuinely wonderful time. it wasnt fun or nice; it was awesome. i felt good - happy, even - in a way i havent in a long time.. the kind of good and happy that makes you feel light as a feather. i felt more like myself than i have been feeling lately. so, i am really grateful for that.

also, i spent time with my mom over the weekend. we had breakfast at mcdonalds before heading out to the mall for some heavy-duty shopping. i ordered the cinnamon bun thing (because cinnamon and frosting -- whats not to love?). while we were eating, my mom got this goofy smile on her face so i asked her what was up. she laughed and said that sometimes when i am excited about something, my eyes twinkle. (its so corny that she said that, but so cute!) i dont know exactly what that means... but it is nice to know im still capable of twinkly-eyed-ness (even if its just over breakfast pastries, lol).