turns out the convincing myself its ok to make an ass of myself was unnecessary. i went to my first conference for work, and i made a presentation there. it turned out pretty well. i managed to not only avoid looking like an ass, but i actually did sorta sound like i know some useful things - go me! i looked all grown up in my first ever real business suit. i got to stay in a really nice hotel for a couple of days. all in all, it was a really good experience. i worked my ass off the last 2 weeks, staying at work til 8 and coming in on weekends -- i stressed so much over this, but it ended up being a good experience. and i am exhausted now, but pleased with the outcome overall.