hung out with anna today, which was great as always. we went for a walk - a thing we seem to be doing a lot these days. im glad about that. walking through the park and along the lake has become my favorite thing lately. its calming and when im by the lake i just feel at ease. i feel settled and at home here - in this neighborhood, my apartment.

my parents separated while i was away at college. my mom moved out and my dad basically fell apart and lost the house. when i came home for break, my mom had moved into a tiny basement apartment that was barely big enough for her and my sibs (who were still in high school/jr high). they had moved and made a home without me. i was always welcome there and had a place to stay (even if it was just crashing on the couch). but it wasnt my home -- a home is something people build and i wasnt around for the building process. zach braff perfectly expresses this sentiment in the movie "garden state":



i lost that sense of home being a permanent place located in my parents' house. because of that, ive always been pretty good about making a home for myself wherever i am. its funny cuz i am the only person i know who called the dorm "home" in college. other people said "home" and meant their parents' place. when i talked about visiting my family, i always said i went to "my mom/dad's place". when people said they were going home, sometimes i would have to ask "home home or your parents' place?" to clarify.

so, feeling at home in my first apartment wasnt a problem for me. but its different now because i think im now at the point of not just feeling at home here, but having roots here. and really, its a different thing. i cant remember the last time i had that feeling and its really nice to have that now. theres a sense of stability and security in that, which i think is important for me right now.

"Peace - that was the other name for home." ~Kathleen Norris