excited ramblings

so christmas turned out to be really low key and rather enjoyable. saturday was the annual holiday grab bag with my mom's side of the family. they are all so goofy and fun; i need to spend more time with them. my mom and i took a TONS of pics, and everyone is smiling and laughing and having a good time. the highlight was my bro dressing up as santa. he made an excellent santa and the kids loved it.





xmas eve morning was a little bit of a rushed craze, but i was at my mom's around noon, and was in a silly mood. we spent the afternoon preparing food, and snacking on food, and preparing food to snack on, lol. a-dawg stopped by to have dinner with us and she brought tons of yummy cookies and homemade pumpkin pie. there was one moment when the desire to punch a particular person in the eye almost got the better of me, but the feeling soon passed. xmas morning we opened presents. i got to wear the santa hat and pass out the gifts. i gave everyone each one present at a time, and then made them play games to see who would open a gift first in each round. the best was paper/rock/scissors, which my grandma just didn't get at all, lol. we wrapped things up by going to see Sweeney Todd. all in all, a good xmas.

oh oh oh! AND, my apartment is all mine again! joy! really, no one should ever have to share a studio apartment with anyone whom they would rather push out of a window than spend 3 weeks attached to the hip with. i mean, not that'd i'd push that person out of a window... i'm just saying, is all...

anywho, i have never been so excited to go home and clean before. you know, the whole nesting and making a cozy home thing. plus, mom's helping me get a new tv stand/entertainment center as part of my xmas gift (my mom really does rock, people!). i think this is the one i want. if my tv fits in it. so i'm all exciting about home-y, decorating stuff and i think one of my goals for this year will be to fix my place up. you know, actually hang the cute stuff i've bought and made on the walls; clean up my closets and sort out my clothes so that my clean laundry does not live in piles on the futon forever; get organized - that kind of stuff. feeling homeless and not having a place to run away to for 3 weeks certainly makes one appreciate having a place of their own, for sure!

also, i got a Rules of the Road book. so who knows, i might actually learn to drive this year! well, next year, which is in like a week, so whatever. and i'm really excited to sign up for my ceramics class, which i've wanted to take for months and months. but yea, i'm feeling kind of good and hopeful and optimistic about 2008 being a better year. it's kind of starting to feel like a chance to start sort of new. and certainly, it couldn't be any worse than this last year, right?

waiting to go home...

“There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.”
~ Margaret Elizabeth Sangster

"By home, we mean a place in which the mind can settle… a refuge to which we flee in the expectation of finding those calm pleasures, those soothing kindnesses, which are the sweetness of life."
~ James Bean

"He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home."
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

leave already

"I burn, burn like a wicker cabinet.
Chalk white and oh - so - frail.
I see our time has gotten stale.
The tick - tock of the clock is painful, all sane and logical.
I wanna tear it off the wall.
I hear words in clips and phrases,
I think sick like ginger ale.
My stomach turns and I exhale...

I would swallow my pride,
I would choke on the rinds,
but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside.
I would swallow my doubt, turn it inside out,
find nothing but faith in nothing.
Wanna put my tender heart in a blender,
watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion."

~Eve 6, "Inside Out"

as if i need any motivation to be angry all the time...

this makes me wish someone would choreograph an angry dance for me!

the mother flippin'

this is the most mother flippin' awesome thing ever!!



"Yes, sometimes my lyrics are sexist. But you lovely bitches and hoes should know I'm trying to correct this."

a fun live version with some extra fun bits:



"Sometimes when I freestyle, I lose confidence."

so positive, you'll wanna puke...

my good friend (tho that phrase doesnt do her justice because she is incredibly, super-duper awesome) has been working on positive thinking, focusing on the positive, etc. i am trying to be supportive of this for 2 reasons: 1) because im just a rockin' friend like that (one without any degree of humbleness right now, apparently, lol) and 2) because i could probably maybe benefit from doing the same. so... in support of this positive thinking campaign, ill start this entry on a positive note. and if i fail, well you know, i tried. so whatever.

my birthday sucked ass (i know this is not sounding positive but just bear with me). i couldnt sleep the night before. i was late to work. i didnt have time to shower in the morning. i looked and felt awful. i spent more of my workday holding back tears than actually working. i wanted to cancel my birthday celebration plans and hide under a rock. and truthfully, the only reason i didnt do so was it seemed like too bratty/tantrum-y a thing to do.

but, i sucked it up and i went out with my friends and my sister and i had a genuinely wonderful time. it wasnt fun or nice; it was awesome. i felt good - happy, even - in a way i havent in a long time.. the kind of good and happy that makes you feel light as a feather. i felt more like myself than i have been feeling lately. so, i am really grateful for that.

also, i spent time with my mom over the weekend. we had breakfast at mcdonalds before heading out to the mall for some heavy-duty shopping. i ordered the cinnamon bun thing (because cinnamon and frosting -- whats not to love?). while we were eating, my mom got this goofy smile on her face so i asked her what was up. she laughed and said that sometimes when i am excited about something, my eyes twinkle. (its so corny that she said that, but so cute!) i dont know exactly what that means... but it is nice to know im still capable of twinkly-eyed-ness (even if its just over breakfast pastries, lol).

girly squee-ing

i went on a pre-birthday mini shopping spree today. one of my purchases was a pair of super girly, super cute heels. i dont know that i have anything to wear them with or any place to wear them to. my feet will probably hate me every time i wear them. BUT, they were on sale, and i can walk in them without dying (probably). even if i just wear them at home while im wearing my pajamas, i love them.

lol, it seems like lately gluttonous materialism is the only pick-me-upper that works. thats kinda... well, it is what it is, i guess.

Tegan and Sara, You Wouldn't Like Me


"There's a war inside of me.
Do I cause new heartbreak to write a new broken song?
Do I push it down or let it run me right into the ground?
I, I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me.
And I can't stop talking for fear of listening to unwelcome sound.
And you haven't called me in weeks and honestly, it's bringing me down.
Oh, I, I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me.
I, I feel like you wouldn't like me if you met me..."

"There are people I know who won't hurt me. I call them corpses."
~Randy K. Milholland

"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough."
~Frank Crane

"A man who doesn't trust himself can never truly trust anyone else."
~Cardinal de Retz

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live."
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust."
~Samuel Johnson

CSS, Fuck Off is Not the Only Thing You Have to Show

you wake up
you don't wanna live today
you make up
you wanna look good again
you break up
you feel like crashing down
you go to work
you wanna skip this round right now
right no-o-o-o-ow
right now
right no-o-o-o-ow

you feel like you wanna change your life today
you feel bad cuz you didn't make it yesterday
you fall back
you think you ain't enough
you fall down
it's hard to get
up alone
alo-o-o-o-one
up alone
alo-o-o-o-one

fuck off is not the only thing you have to show
fuck off is not the only thing you have to show
fuck off is not the only thing you have to show
fuck off is not the only thing you have to show...

tired of whys, choking on whys

I let the beast in too soon, I don't know how to live
Without my hand on his throat; I fight him always and still.
Oh darling, it's so sweet, you think you know how crazy
How crazy I am.
You say you don't spook easy, you won't go, but I know
And I pray that you will.
Fast as you can, baby run free yourself of me
Fast as you can.
I may be soft in your palm but I'll soon grow
Hungry for a fight, and I will not let you win.
My pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will
Disprove your faith in man.
So if you catch me trying to find my way into your
Heart from under your skin,
Fast as you can, baby scratch me out, free yourself
Fast as you can.
Fast as you can, baby scratch me out, free yourself
Fast as you can.
Sometimes my mind don't shake and shift
But most of the time, it does.
And I get to the place where I'm begging for a lift
Or I'll drown in the wonders and the was.
And I'll be your girl, if you say it's a gift
And you give me some more of your drugs.
Yeah, I'll be your pet, if you just tell me it's a gift
'Cause I'm tired of whys, choking on whys,
Just need a little because, because.
I let the beast in and then
I even tried forgiving him, but it's too soon.
So I'll fight again, again, again, again, again.
And for a little while more, I'll soar the
Uneven wind, complain and blame
The sterile land.
But if you're getting any bright ideas, quiet dear
I'm blooming within.
Fast as you can, baby wait watch me, I'll be out
Fast as I can, maybe late but at least about
Fast as you can leave me, let this thing
Run its route
Fast as you can...

want and more want.

I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world,
but its feeling just like every other morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,

The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour and I
started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye
can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?

But I believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well I guess we're gonna find out
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come

I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know
then I can't remember caring for an hour or so
started crying and I couldn't stop myself
I started running but there's no where to run to
I sat down on the street, took a look at myself
said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell
say all goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to

I believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well I guess we're gonna find out
let's see how far we've come (right now)
let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come

Its gone gone baby its all gone
there is no one on the corner and there's no one at home
well it was cool cool, it was just all cool
now it's over for me and it's over for you
well its gone gone baby its all gone
there's no one on the corner and there's no one at home
well it was cool cool, it was just all cool
now it's over for me and it's over for you

I believe the world is burning to the ground
oh well I guess we're gonna find out
let's see how far we've come
let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
oh well, i guess, we're gonna pretend,
let's see how far we've come, again
let's see how far we've come…

turns out the convincing myself its ok to make an ass of myself was unnecessary. i went to my first conference for work, and i made a presentation there. it turned out pretty well. i managed to not only avoid looking like an ass, but i actually did sorta sound like i know some useful things - go me! i looked all grown up in my first ever real business suit. i got to stay in a really nice hotel for a couple of days. all in all, it was a really good experience. i worked my ass off the last 2 weeks, staying at work til 8 and coming in on weekends -- i stressed so much over this, but it ended up being a good experience. and i am exhausted now, but pleased with the outcome overall.

trying to convince myself...

its ok if i make an ass of myself. it doesnt bother me. its no big deal. lots of people do it all the time. whatever, i dont care.

I can't get this pressure point out of my head
I can't get this pressure point out of my head
I feel it in work, you know, I feel it in bed
I can't get this pressure point out of my head
I've paid all my bills and I've acted so well
Ain't been cheating, there's nothing to tell
So why all this pressure, I dont understand
I call on my neighbours, and lend them a hand

Doctor, oh doctor, I'm willing to learn
Well all of my bones, well they toss and they turn
Mother, oh mother, I'm begging you please
To rid me of madness and cure this disease

Maybe I told ya what I have become
With all of this pressure, my mind's on a run
Why maybe its changing, let's hope for the best
Maybe it's something to get off my chest

Doctor, oh doctor, I'm begging you please
To rid me of madness and cure this disease
Mother, oh mother, I'm willing to learn
Well all of my bones, well they toss and they turn

pressure pressure pressure pressure...
PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE...
Pressure pressure pressure pressure...
PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE...

Blink 182 - Shut Up

"Shut the fuck up, she said, I'm going fucking deaf.
You're always too loud, everything's too loud.
Now that all my friends left, this place is fucking dead.
I wanna move out, when can we move out? This shit has got to stop.

I'll run away.

Get the fuck up, she said,
Your life is meaningless,
It's going nowhere, you're going nowhere.
You're just a fuck up ,she said, I'll live alone instead.
She said you don't care, I know I don't care.

I'll never ask permission from you,
Fuck off I'm not listening to you.
I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home.

I got too fucked up again, and passed out on the plane.
Try to forget you, I can't forget you.
No sleep on this flight, I'll think about the nights
We had to get through. How did we get through?

I'll never ask permission from you,
Fuck off I'm not listening to you.
I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home.

I'll run away.
I think it's time that I should leave.
I think it's time that I should leave.
I think it's time that I should leave.
I think it's time that I should leave.

I'll never ask permission from you,
Fuck off i'm not listening to you.
I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home.

I'll run away.
I think it's time for me to leave..."

i found this today and it reminded me how much i love mary lynn rajskub, so i had to rewatch some of the other hilarious stuff she did...

i think i died and went to heaven....

what an absolutely fan-freaking-tastic weekend...and its not even sunday yet! last night i hung out with a-dawg and her new law school friends, who seemed really cool and i enjoyed meeting. we had pizza and some booze and then went to dave & buster's where lots of silly-ness ensued. fun times!

today was shopping with mom. originally the plan was shopping and a movie, but we shopped til we dropped. i spent an OBSCENE amount of money, which was completely unplanned. i cant remember the last time i spent this much money in such a short amount of time. but god, it felt good! most people have heard of serotonin and dopamine -- those happy little neurotransmitter/hormone things that flood your brain with feel-good-ness. well, i think someone should research whatever neurotransmitter it is that gives me a buzz when i go on a shopping spree. seriously. and if no one has done this yet, i call dibs on naming it. shop-atonin or sho-pamine or something. i dont care what it is, it just feels good.

and it was such an overwhelmingly positive shopping experience too! sometimes i feel too guilty about spending money on myself or bad about how things fit to have a completely blissful shopping experience. but today was all about the bliss - i just hit the jackpot! for example, since i am kinda in between sizes, finding jeans that arent too tight but not too baggy/frumpy either is a challenge. but i found some awesome jeans today (which prompted my mom to comment on how nice my ass looked...i love her!). and this red pea coat that ive been drooling over online is finally mine. it is super cute and will make a good fall/early winter coat. and i got a suit for my conference presentation that i am pretty happy with. and a bunch of other awesome stuff!

my mom and i decided to shop at the mall where my brother works at one of the cell phone kiosk things. we stopped by to say hi and my brother was all handsome and grownup looking. every time i see him i cant believe he is dressing himself! but, he insists that he is. its not just that he's wearing slacks, and button up shirts with ties (tho that always manages to surprise me). its the color combinations and level of style that he continues to impress me with. anyhow, we watched him work for a bit while we waited for him to get his lunch break so we could eat with him. it was funny cuz he could tell we were staring at him from across the way while he was working, and in turn we could tell when he became aware of us staring at him.

anyhow, it was a good day. im gonna shut my happy little materialistic self up now...

ha ha!!

i ordered my hoodie! last night when i checked before bed (some time between 10 and 11pm) they had plenty of my size left. as of a 8:30 this morning (when i purchased mine!) they only had a few left! phew!

a sign from god, or something...

i just got an email from threadless.com informing me that on Oct 16 (tomorrow!) all hoodies will be $25 (marked down from $40!!).

i am totally buying this "bad apple" hoodie.

i really REALLY want the tshirt version, but its not clear they will actually reprint it...and nearly half price for the hoodie? plus, it is just in time for the fall weather that finally decided to grace chicago. this hoodie is so mine! joy!

that makes for 2 threadless purchases in 2 days, and 3 snarky clothing purchases for the month. must reign in shopping impulses! but, not today (or tomorrow!).

ive always been a fan of sarcasm and snark, but lately my appreciation of smart-ass-y tshirts has been at an all time high.

i just bought a new shirt from threadless, which i am excited about. for the last week or two, ive been checking glarkware.com and threadless.com everyday for new items. today i hit the jackpot, hence my repeat on impulsive online tshirt buying.

i am desperately wanting this one from threadless! its out of print, but i have been voting to have them reprint it. if they dont, i may eventually buckle and buy the hoodie version, since thats all they have. i would even settle for the guy/unisex style tshirt instead of the girlie tshirt, but alas, they dont have those either.

in honor of andy's song tonight :)

i really shouldnt find this funny, but i do. oopsies.

ps

and also, i am WAY excited about the new widget at the top of my blog with Office video clips.

what can i say, i wear my obsession(s) on my sleeve. or my blog at least.

Ask me about the cool new shirt i bought myself...

anna requested a new post. this is the best i can do for now.

look at the cool new shirt i recently impulse shopped for! :)

food for thought

"If you want peace, stop fighting. If you want peace of mind, stop fighting with your thoughts." - Peter McWilliams

"If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others?" - Dolores Huerta

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Mahatma Gandhi

"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." - Carl Sandburg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
when it's not me that needs to do the forgiving, it seems easy enough, it makes plenty of sense. forgiveness is good. it's good for you. forgiveness does not make it ok, does not excuse it. but it does mean letting go of the burden and weight of resentment and anger. and, most of the time, i really do believe that forgivness is often more about the forgiver than the forgivee. it's not even necessarily important that the forgivee know they've been forgiven. in fact, if the forgiver has some specific need for the forgivee to know they've been forgiven....well, that suggests something besides forgiveness might be at play there.

so, that's how i feel about it. that's what i believe. but when it is me that needs to do the forgiving, it is hard to let go of the angry side of me that thinks "but they don't deserve forgiveness". there's just the tiniest whisper of a voice in my head that has sense enough to say "but you do".

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell

i must be a genuis.

another great essay, A Four-Letter Word, from Sars (Sarah Bunting of Tomatonation.com).

here's a clip from the beginning:

Ah, "slut." A compact little word, forceful even in the way it sounds, starting out with a hissing sibilant and pushing off of the tongue through the L and U, and then that nastily crisp T. "Slut." Say it a few times out loud. Roll it around in your mouth. "Sssslut." "Sss…lllut." Say it again. Notice that it's difficult — almost impossible, in fact — to pronounce it neutrally. It's got a sneer built into it, that word. It's not as twangy and unthreatening as "tramp." It's not as easy to yell as "whore." "Whore" is built for screaming rage and dishes flying through the air, with a nice gusty H at the front and a big old roaring R bringing up the rear. Not "slut," though. "Slut" is muttered. "Slut" is whispered. "Whore" comes in like a punch, but "slut" tingles, like a slap. "Slut" hides behind the teeth. "Slut" is for when your back is turned.

"Slut" is for when you don't act like a lady. "Slut" is for when you sit with your legs apart. "Slut" is for when you wear it short, tight, without a bra, cut up high and down low and around the side, because, see, "slut" is also for when you have the nerve to enjoy your body in front of women who hate their own bodies. Don't strut. Don't dance with soul, or lick your lips. Don't look too good; don't think you look too good. Digging your own self is slutty. Making your own good time is slutty. Who do you think you are, anyway? Knees together, slut.

“Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.” - Frank Herbert

"There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.” - Winston Churchill

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” - Mahatma Gandhi

"Things do not change, we do." - Henry David Thoreau

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

torture

is it possible to go completely insane due to itchyness? because i think i might do just that! after 2 bbq's this weekend, i accumulated over 20 mosquito bites! TWENTY PLUS!!!! wtf? they are huge and red and itchy and the anti-itch stuff isnt anti-itching anything whatsoever!



those little bastards must have a sense of humor too because there're about 5 or 6 bites all in a neat row across my lower back. *grumble*

ive been listening to this song a lot for the last several days, and i was gonna blog about it and the chord it strikes with me, but its not happening. not quite ready to dig into that one. and besides, it cant be said any more simply than amy puts it, "I always have to comfort you when I'm there. But that's what I need you to do - stroke my hair!" ugh, and even as im trying to avoid digging into this, i cant help but notice that the few people in my life this doesnt apply to are all women. how interesting is that? in my life ive never known any men who could give as much as they needed and took from me. done - no more for now.

omg

wow... seriously, wow. just had a flashback to my first 2 years of college...



its not quite the same as when its live, and you're a drunken college kid, and everyone is singing and dancing along...but i think you get the picture!

more like Super-awesome

i'm McLovin Seth Rogen!

opposite of happy place

playlist


"I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness"


"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life"


"I could be fake, I could be stupid...
I could be weak, I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you"


"And the world spins by with everybody moaning
Pissing, bitching and everyone is shitting
On their friends, On their love, On their oaths
On their honour, On their graves, Out their mouths
And their words say nothing"


"Save your breath your soul is hollow
And it's all too much to swallow"


"But I'm fine
No one got left here
Well I'm fine
No one got left here"


"But it's my kind - I'll never be cruel and I'll always play the fool"

another good one...

ps. LOVE her shoes!

its official...

ive turned into a girl. check out these shoes ive been drooling over online:
Exhibit A and Exhibit B. the funniest part is that theres no way i could walk in these shoes - id break my neck in less than 30 seconds. not to mention that a shoe habit can get expensive! but a girl can dream, no? :)

couldn't have said it better myself ...

"I shouldn't play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men"

i need some jim in my life...

god, i love this show! this totally cheered me up today (in addition to a mega bitch session with anna over dinner, drinks, and ben & jerry's!)

i really dig USA's show Psych. it's about a guy with excellent observational skills who pretends to be a psychic private investigator. the lead characters, sean and gus, crack me up and sean is kinda cute too. the show is a little campy, and kinda hammed up, but i just love it.

lol, sean and gus on an American Idol ripoff show...



"Did you really play Bud on The Cosby Show?" hehe...love it!

"If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going." - Professor Irwin Corey

yea, i need to think about that...

ramblings

so today i had a million and one things to do, so of course, today is the day i get stuck at work til 6 (im supposed to leave at 4:30, and today i was even an hour early for work and shouldve really left at 3:30!). as a result, i got to america's best at exactly 6:30 - closing time. the woman was at the door, in the process of locking it when i ran up. she was totally not gonna let me in, but i pleaded a little and explained that i only needed to pick up my new glasses. she was awesomely nice and let me in. then i felt bad because she didnt just grab my glasses and toss them at me, as i expected -- she actually unwrapped them, used the spray and special cloth to clean them and removed the tags and tag glue.

i thanked her profusely then ran out (stumbled kinda -- the new glasses are MUCH stronger than the old ones and kinda make me dizzy) to attempt to last minute shop for something to wear to my job interview tomorrow. in my defense - i did actually spend a huge chunk of the weekend shopping for a suit (blech, ugh, ick). the problem is im short and it is hard to find jackets that do not make me look like a midget or a little kid dressing up in my parents' clothes. and since i hate "grownup" clothes, i dont really know what the hell im doing or looking for or where to look, etc. but i finally found something. im not thrilled with it, but it is wearable.

so now im off to watch an episode of Psych and head to bed so i can get up early and prep for interview.

you can take the girl out of the ghetto....

but you cant take the ghetto out of the girl (not completely, anyway!)

i dont care, this is my favorite song right now:

Ne-yo "Because of You"


i cant stop dancing around to it, and it just plain makes me feel good! you dont even wanna know how many times ive listened to this song on repeat (by itself!) in the last 2 days.

holy crap!

check this out: Couple Welcomes 17th Child - and Wants More

"...Michelle has been pregnant for 126 months — or 10.5 years — of her life".

i dont like being judge-y, but wow -- that is fucking crazy!

how to waste time at work....

turn yourself into a simpson's character: like me.

when it rains, it pours?

i got a surprise raise today and it completely made my day! my salary increased by 25%; i am thrilled! they are making it retroactive to july 1st, so that is pretty awesome too. i am very much looking forward to pay day on friday -- even more than usual!

on top of that, my cousin has a job lead for me. i didnt think i had the right qualifications, but i discussed it with her and she still wants me to send my resume. the position is for a psychosocial services director at a nursing home. a real job related to my actual field of study... my mind is reeling. im gonna send my resume and hope for the best. if it doesnt work out... well, hey, i've still got my raise!

what a way to turn around a crappy week!

retail therapy is good!

i used my last pair of contacts the last time i had pink eye. getting pink eye twice in the course of a month made me a little paranoid, and i havent worn contacts since. but enough time has passed so that my paranoia has dissipated, so i stopped by america's best to pick up some new ones.

while i was there, i impulsively decided i would get new glasses too. not cuz i really need them (especially with new contacts), and without considering the cost or how it would figure into my budget. i felt crappy, i wanted, so i got, and i felt momentarily better. 100% retail therapy purchase. BUT this is the first time i made a smart retail therapy purchase, lol. i mean, i dont wear my glasses a lot (except the last couple of weeks) but ive had them for years and the prescription is VERY old. im impressed how this worked out. usually i just buy random crap that is either useless, or that i end up hating and unclear on why i wanted it in the first place. or else it is just a completely frivolous, unjustifiable purchase. but this -- this is a completely justifiable purchase! way to go me! :)

love it

Feist - My Moon, My Man

music is my therapy. it absolutely can and absolutely does alter my mood, and the right song at the right time can bring clarity or insight to whatever i happen to be working through at that particular time. so, you can bet that whenever im working through stuff im going through, im listening to music constantly. often, i end up creating a playlist of songs that taps into a particular mood or feeling. sometimes, i get tired of the playlist (from listening to it constantly) or i may not be able to decide on a playlist at all (if im not particularly inspired or if im just that mixed up in the head). when that happens, i sometimes play this game with myself, where i put my ipod on shuffle and see if my ipod will depart some wisdom with the first couple songs it plays. well, this weekend i did that and it played "Anxiety" by the Black Eyed Peas (oh so totally on target) and "Hope" by Twista. interesting, huh?

addendum to my last post...

BEST THING EVER!!

last night i went to the movies with anna and her friends from work. we went to see License to Wed, which was full of the hot-nicity that is john krasinski. not the most amazing movie ever made, but thoroughly enjoyable! however, i have to admit that the funniest moment occurred even before the movie started, when the following commercial played and made me laugh so hard i almost choked on my popcorn!



by the way, this is not a reflection on how un-funny the movie was, but rather a reflection of how weird i am.

very amused...

apparently some guy tried to lie to get out of jury duty and could be in big trouble for it! im entertained by this - check out the article here.

but here's the best part of the article:

On a questionnaire that all potential jurors fill out, Ellis wrote that he didn’t like homosexuals and blacks. He then echoed those sentiments in an interview with Nickerson.

“You say on your form that you’re not a fan of homosexuals,” Nickerson said.

“That I’m a racist,” Ellis interrupted.

“I’m frequently found to be a liar, too. I can’t really help it,” Ellis added.

“I’m sorry?” Nickerson said.

“I said I’m frequently found to be a liar,” Ellis replied.

“So, are you lying to me now?” Nickerson asked.

“Well, I don’t know. I might be,” was the response.

Ellis then admitted he really didn’t want to serve on a jury.

“I have the distinct impression that you’re intentionally trying to avoid jury service,” Nickerson said.

“That’s true,” Ellis answered.

thank god i get to leave early today...

most of the time, i really dig my job. love my bosses, like or can tolerate most of my co-workers. dont mind most of the actual work i do, even when it gets monotonous, tedious, and boring. sometimes i even actually like the work im doing! like the pay and the hours....all in all i dont normally have a huge amount to complain about. im pretty patient and laid back -- its not hard to make me happy.

but there are moments here and there when i get so frustrated or pissed off here, i could just punch someone. today was a punching kind of day. usually i can let it go and deal right away, but today was bad. i had to take a 20 min break just to contain the cry/punch/puke reaction. in hindsight, that doesnt sound so bad...i sat in my cubicle and took deep breaths and rocked out on my ipod for 20 min. but, i dont like getting that close to losing my cool. i suppose if the whole interaction and process that got me so upset hadnt ended when it did (at the point where i was barely able to contain my tears or keep my hands from shaking), i couldve just said i was feeling frustrated and excused myself for a 5 min break to clear my head before coming back to it. i mean, frustration and challenges are bound to come up and the important thing is dealing with them professionally, maturely, and effectively. but i dont like admitting that i cant handle things, and it would feel kind of like that.

anyway, crisis averted. cry/punch/puke feelings mostly gone. heart rate normal. back to work...

well, i am kinda kooky i guess....

right now im harboring a mini-obsession with The Kooks. man, i need to marry a british rock star. or any rock star with a sexy accent! or just any rock star with a sexy guitar! hubba hubba!

The Kooks - Naive


The Kooks - Ooh La


The Kooks - You Don't Love Me

im so vain, i probably think this song's about me...

fortunately not true, or else i might have some self-esteem issues given the whoring, murdered cat in a long distance relationship thing...

Hey There Delilah, Plain White T's
(proud to say i was first, among people i know, to discover this song)


Delilah, Tom Jones
(oh yes, indeed. i am in fact subjecting you to this! hehe)


Delilah, The Cranberries
(love the accent)


Delilah, Queen
(took me awhile to figure out this was about a cat)

Feist, I Feel It All

for me, this is one of those songs that leaves you feeling like the songwriter has the power to look into the corners of your heart and mind - even those corners you try not to let anyone else see and that sometimes you try to forget are there too. its kinda like someone holding up a mirror for you.

i was surprised by the ah-ha feeling i got from this song. it makes me think about how strongly inclined people are to believe their experiences, thoughts, feelings, etc are unique. despite all evidence to the contrary, despite logic and reason, we seem predisposed to feel like no one else has experienced what we have (or at least not the same way we have) or that no one else feels the way we do. and its just not true; all you have to do to see that is read a book, listen to a song, look at a painting, or listen to a friend. i think that on some level we all know this -- that others have hurt, been broken hearted, lost, struggled, etc. but for some reason, in the space and time of those moments/thoughts/feelings, it just doesnt feel that way.

people are weird.

giggle

Yes, I Am...

i found this neat essay written by and posted on Sarah Bunting's blog, Tomato Nation; she is also known as Sars, one of the writters from TWoP).

the essay is humorous, well written, and it makes a good point. check it out here.

here's a preview:

feminism n (1895) 1 : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes 2 : organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests — feminist n or adj — feministic adj

Above, the dictionary definition of feminism — the entire dictionary definition of feminism. It is quite straightforward and concise. If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist.

Yes, you are.

The definition of feminism does not ask for two forms of photo ID. It does not care what you look like. It does not care what color skin you have, or whether that skin is clear, or how much you weigh, or what you do with your hair. You can bite your nails, or you can get them done once a week. You can spend two hours on your makeup, or five minutes, or the time it takes to find a Chapstick without any lint sticking to it. You can rock a cord mini, or khakis, or a sari, and you can layer all three. The definition of feminism does not include a mandatory leg-hair check; wax on, wax off, whatever you want. If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist.

Yes, you are.

Yes. You are. You are a feminist. If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist. Period. It's more complicated than that — of course it is. And yet…it's exactly that simple. It has nothing to do with your sexual preference or your sense of humor or your fashion sense or your charitable donations, or what pronouns you use in official correspondence, or whether you think Andrea Dworkin is full of crap, or how often you read Bust or Ms. — or, actually, whether you've got a vagina. In the end, it's not about that. It is about political, economic, and social equality of the sexes, and it is about claiming that definition on its own terms, instead of qualifying it because you don't want anyone to think that you don't shave your pits. It is about saying that you are a feminist and just letting the statement sit there, instead of feeling a compulsion to modify it immediately with "but not, you know, that kind of feminist" because you don't want to come off all Angry Girl. It is about understanding that liking Oprah and Chanel doesn't make you a "bad" feminist — that only "liking" the wage gap makes you a "bad" feminist, because "bad" does not enter into the definition of feminism. It is about knowing that, if folks can't grab a dictionary and see for themselves that the entry for "feminism" doesn't say anything about hating men or chick flicks or any of that crap, it's their problem.

It is about knowing that a woman is the equal of a man in art, at work, and under the law, whether you say it out loud or not — but for God's sake start saying it out loud already. You are a feminist.

I am a feminist too. Look it up.

excellent movie! seriously - excellent!

what she said...

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
~Miss Piggy

heh, cute.

how true...

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." ~Augusten Burroughs

normally i dont like making phone calls outside of friends and family. i hate calling and waiting and going through those automated systems and whatnot. but i have to say, i have never had a problem with t-mobile. this seems like a strange thing to say because i dont think i know anyone else who would say the same about their cell phone company. ive heard people complain about all the major cell phone companies, including tmobile. but every time i call, a live person is readily available (24/7 customer service) and the representatives are always attentive, polite, complimentary and friendly/flirty/funny. i never feel swindled by them or like im stuck with something i dont want or thats more expensive than i wanted. so i just had to give them a little plug here because i had to call today and i was dreading it and in a terrible mood, and it was a surprisingly pleasant experience considering the task at hand.

so anyway -- the reason for the call is that my sibs and i are going to get my dad a cell phone as a bday/father's day gift. he has no cell or land line right now, and with his poor health thats not a good situation. so we're paying for a 1-year contract for him. and guess whose name its gonna be under...yup, thats right, mine. its probably stupid to do this. but sometimes i do stupid things. i mean, i basically trust my sibs -- im not really worried about them not paying or screwing me over. and besides, i know where they live, hehe. im more concerned about my dad managing to churn out a $500 bill or something equally ridiculous. so i have mixed feelings about the whole thing. he obviously needs the phone and is not in a position to get one for himself. we cannot think of anything else to get him for his bday/father's day. and, of course, my rescue-and-take-care-of-people-and-fix-things-even-if-it-could-bite-you-in-the-ass impulse is being triggered. so i guess, the worst case scenario is that -- wait, never mind, my brain is shutting down now thinking about the worst case scenario possibilities. now activating hope-for-the-best mode...

breaktime

still working on that closet...taking a music break and got distracted.

im always on the lookout for new music. i tend to listen to the same playlist obsessively until i wear those songs out and i cant bear to listen to them anymore. then i start over with a new playlist. i actually have a playlist on my ipod called "current faves" which is contantly being updated with new songs. but, there are some songs i never get tired of and that always grab me. these are the songs that i almost never skip past on my ipod, no matter what mood im in. im gonna work on a new playlist -- "forever faves". here's some of those songs:

"Wonderwall", Oasis


"Maps", Yeah Yeah Yeahs


"Sweetness", Jimmy Eat World

cleaning out the closet

the entire contents of my previously overflowing closet are now strewn about my apartment. ugh, this was a bad idea...

hehe

ha ha!

i took a break from my confinement to go for a walk, and it was awesome! i feel a million times better now! :) and when i got back i discovered i got some good netflix movies in the mail today! woo hoo!

ive been miserably sick for the last week. i started feeling better over the weekend, and then i got a nasty eye infection. for the last couple of days ive looked like i deserve a lead role in 28 Weeks Later. i think god hates me or something. so now im on lockdown til wednesday (per doctor's orders - eye infection is pretty contagious so i cant go to work and am pretty much stuck at home). but now ive got a bad case of cabin fever. i was gonna bust out of here and go to the grocery store (ice cream cures sore throats, right?). i mean, assuming i didnt breathe on people and no one accidentally licks my eyeball, it should be ok, right? but then a-dawg reminded me about that whole scandal created by the tb patient, so i felt guilty and decided to be good and stay home and keep my cooties to myself. at least lucy is here to cuddle with me...and she still loves me even tho im a disgusting, creepy eye monster.

"i cant turn off the naked people!"

"men are not people; we are digustoids in human form". how true, how true!



so yea, while ive been sick, ive been rewatching episodes of Coupling. jeff is by far my favorite character! here's a short description of some of the show's highlights:

"From this point, the intrepid twentysomethings head into the metropolitan dating scene and tackle some important dilemmas. Important dilemmas such as: exactly when does your girlfriend have the right to tell you to get rid of your "private video collection"? How do you chat up a girl who doesn't speak a word of English? Is it acceptable to pretend to be an amputee in order to get a date? How do you recover from a visit from The Melty Man? Should you be able to recount from memory the number and location of all the freckles on your lover's bottom? And so on."

new music

today i spent the day hungover and roaming around evanston with anna (i was hungover; anna was not). we saw Knocked Up, which was awesome -- very funny and i enjoyed it a lot. we had appetizers for lunch (perfect hangover food!) and browsed some of the stores near the theater. there was music playing at urban outfitters, and i took note of one song that i thought was just way too perfect for me today, lol.

this is "Sunday" by Bloc Party.

"Heavy night, it was a heavy night
Feels like we've come back from the dead
Heavy night, it was a heavy night
I cannot remember what I said to anyone
If we get up now, we can catch the afternoon
Watch the under15's playing football in the park
Let’s sit in St Leonard's on this alcoholic day
We're doing the best, with what we've got

I love you in the morning
When you're all hung over
I love you in the morning
When you are strung out

I work hard all week and so do you
We deserve to let off some steam
Less orthodox creeping,
We need to rage through this life
There might be ones who are smarter than you
That have the right answers, that wear better shoes
Forget about those melting ice caps
We're doing the best, with what we've got

I love you in the morning
When you are hung over
I love you in the morning
When you are strung out..."

anna posted a video of rilo kiley's "portions for foxes" music video. i cant stop listening to this song!

"There's blood in my mouth cuz I've been biting my tongue all week
I keep on talkin' trash but I never say anything
And the talkin' leads to touchin'
and the touchin' leads to sex
and then there is no mystery left

And it's bad news
Baby I'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news

I know I'm alone if I'm with or without you
but just bein' around you offers me another form of relief
When the loneliness leads to bad dreams
and the bad dreams lead me to callin' you
and I call you and say "C'MERE!"

And it's bad news
Baby I'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news

And it's bad news
Baby it's bad news
It's just bad news, bad news, bad news

Cuz you're just damage control
for a walking corpse like me - like you

Cuz we'll all be
Portions for foxes
Yeah we'll all be
Portions for foxes

There's a pretty young thing in front of you
and she's real pretty and she's real into you
and then she's sleepin' inside of you
and the talkin' leads to touchin'
then touchin' leads to sex
and then there is no mystery left

And it's bad news
I don't blame you
I do the same thing
I get lonely too..."

ive also cant stop listening to augustana's "boston".



"...She said I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California; I'm tired of the weather.
I think I'll get a lover and fly 'em out to Spain.
I think I'll go to Boston; I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise; I'm tired of the sunset.
I hear it's nice in the summer; some snow would be nice, oh yeah.
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah.."

comic relief

maybe if i had a cookie, it'd take me out of my "dark place" lol.

its been a long crazy whirlwind of a week, mostly in a good way. i had a long fun weekend, and the week has zipped by. but underneath it all, theres a sense of anxiety and discontent, and it tells me that i need some down time to myself this weekend to sort out my head.

i think as human beings, we all have a dark side. because ive played the role of the "good girl", ive spent most of my life suppressing anything dark, rebellious, disagreeable, or unvirtuous. sometimes tho, i get a glimpse at the potential for self-destruction that exists in me and it scares me. these are times when i just want to say "FUCK YOU" to the world. fuck you, and fuck your expectations, fuck your pressure, fuck your assumptions, fuck your conclusions, and fuck your demands. fuck you for failing me and hurting me. just fuck you. and fuck me too for trying to live up to those expectations, pressures, assumptions, and demands; for letting you hurt and disappoint me.

people...

are strange! yesterday i spent more time than usual waiting at bus stops (damn the cta!). but i did come across some interesting characters. on my way home from work, there were 2 older women in their 50s-60s who were discussing how Oprah calls her vagina a "va-jay-jay". i thought i must have overheard incorrectly, but then i started actively listening to what they were saying (cuz im nosey, and cuz they were sorta invading my personal bubble space due to the crowdedness of the bus shelter). and yes, they were actually talking about Oprah's vagina. weird.

different bus stop, different time of day -- heading home from anna's place. its around 10pm and ive been waiting all by myself at the bus stop. after 10 min, a very normal looking woman shows up and we have the customary "cta sucks, ive been waiting forever, wheres the bus?" convo. and she tells me that she has to pee and then tells me how one winter the police caught her peeing in the alley cuz she couldnt hold it. and she complained that they didnt wait til she was finished to ticket her, because they just wanted to look at her ass. then she started thinking aloud about how maybe she should go to the nearby parking lot and pee before the bus came. it was a weird conversation, for sure.

if you want a people-watching adventure, just ride the cta all day!

Beware Windextor!

where can i get myself some milk chocolate-y cluster fucks?? lol, love love love dane cook!

creeeepy!

given my obsession with cicadas recently, i bed this would scare the crap out of me (AND its by the director of The Exorcist!):



gotta go see it! :)

watch out...

cuz im a freakin brain ninja mental terrorist! mwuahaha! watch the leg...just watch the leg. and beware the word "fine", its never fine when a woman says the word "fine".

hehe, im thinking i like dane cook.

"im violent y'all"

have i mentioned lately how much i love zach braff??

"look what i found online..."

i'd totally makeout with zach braff, anytime anywhere.

yay!

i love zach braff! i must see this. and also, everyone in maroon 5 needs a haircut except the lead singer.

"And I know that sounds cliche, and I know saying it sounds cliche sounds cliche. Maybe I’m being cliche, I don’t care. Cuz I am what I am... That’s Popeye."

~Pam on "The Office"

this was a good show. i am definitely a daria kind of girl, lol.

i feel good!

this never fails to cheer me up: Feel Good Cat (stupid thing wont embed)

altho, i actually dont need any cheering up -- im feeling pretty good! im just in a much better place than i have been in a long time, in terms of all the school stuff and old relationships and whatnot. and really, it is about time!

i <3 andy (ed helms)

lol! andy from The Office is a zombie!! how wonderfully creepy!

"bullshit, i like a ham sandwhich now and then". hehe.

life is good

had a picnic dinner in the park by the lake with anna today, which was great. today was just a beautiful day! after eating, chatting, and people watching, we walked for an hour or 2. i lost track of the time, but my feet didnt as i have a few blisters, lol. totally worth it. we even hit up an ice cream truck! seriously, a perfect summer day.

i stumbled across this and it suits me right now:

Verde que te quiero verde.
Verde viento. Verdes ramas.
El barco sobre la mar
y el caballo en la montaña.
Con la sombra en la cintura
ella sueña en su baranda...
Romance Sonambulo, Federico García Lorca

Green, how I want you green.
Green wind. Green branches.
The ship out on the sea
and the horse on the mountain.
With the shade around her waist
she dreams on her balcony...

this reminds me of my high school advanced spanish class. the teacher made us memorize part of La Vida Es Sueño. i'd forgotten most of it except the last part "toda la vida es sueno y los suenos suenos son", so i was able to google and find the whole thing:

¿Qué es la vida? Un frenesí.
¿Qué es la vida? Una ilusión,
una sombra, una ficción,
y el mayor bien es pequeño;
que toda la vida es sueño,
y los sueños, sueños son.
La Vida Es Sueño, Pedro Calderón de la Barca

What is life? A frenzy.
What is life? An illusion,
a shadow, a fiction,
and the greatest good is trivial;
for all life is a dream,
and all dreams are dreams.

i actually kind of got a kick out of reading spanish literature in spanish. its definitely a different way of reading for me. in english, i read in a gluttonous, greedy kind of way -- quickly skimming over words to get to more words. but having to read in another language slows me down so that each word registers and makes an impact while i try to translate and make sense of the words, phrases, and sentences. this all reminds me of my goal to become fluent en espanol before i have kids so i can teach them. gotta get on that...

check yo'self BEFORE you wreck yo'self...

anthropomorphism, take 2

so im digging the New York Times and its animal related articles lately.

here's a recent one that's basically about the bumbling sexual escapades of a "bachelor" tortoise: A Lonesome Tortoise, and a Search for a Mate. and of course, i have to highlight and comment on my favorite quotes...

Next year the researchers hope to find a female to take back to George’s pen. This is happy news for humanity, but not necessarily for George. We can shed a little of our collective guilt for nearly wiping out his species. George must deal with an identity crisis and performance anxiety. (do tortoises get sexual performance anxiety? maybe i need to change my career goals here. forget couples counseling...is animal sex therapy where the money's at these days? sign me up!)

A few years later, in 1993, there was briefly a companion known as “Lonesome George’s girlfriend,” but she was not a tortoise. She was a 26-year-old graduate student in zoology from Switzerland named Sveva Grigioni. By coating her hands in the genital secretions of female tortoises and gently stroking him, she managed to demonstrate a couple of times (in the course of several months’ work) that George was capable of an erection. But whereas her touch could induce other male tortoises to reach orgasm within a few minutes, with George she never managed to collect any sperm. Her ministrations — or maybe it was the pheromones in the secretions — did seem to pique George’s interest in the female tortoises... (im not sure i'd be bragging about my sexual escapades with tortoises. i wonder how many turtle notches this woman has in her bedpost? and i thought "carefully coaxing" duck phalluses would be a tough job...)

George needs to be primed. Sending Ms. Grigioni back to work would be a start, and George could also learn by watching other males in action, as some biologists have proposed. Dr. Nicholls even raises the possibility of showing instructive videos to George — and if tortoise porn is what it takes, I say go for it. (lol, im not making this up people! scientists are discussing turtle porn.)

But given George’s antisocial personality — he doesn’t like being around any other tortoises, male or female — we need to be considerate. If ultimately he’s just not that into Eve, then let Lonesome George be lonesome. We can’t expect him to save the species for our sake. It has to be good for him, too. ( poor George. how's he ever gonna get any action now that he has been publicly humiliated in the ny times?)

poor George...

spring

so ok, i guess technically spring has sprung. we've had some gorgeous days scattered throughout the last few weeks. but until the last couple of days, it hadnt hit me. its not real til i see the tulips. every year im surprised how i dont notice the flowers starting to come up until all of a sudden, they're everywhere. and on the one hand, sure i'd like to be one of those people who notices the flower buds pop up and watches the progress as the flowers bloom, yadda yadda yadda. but i have to say, its pretty neat to wake up one day and be blown away by how tons and tons of flowers seem to have popped up overnight.

today i saw a butterfly and it made me think -- why cant we have a swarm of butterflies instead of cicadas. and yes, im sure people are tired of hearing me rant about the stupid cicadas, but its my blog and ill whine if i want to. i mean really. why does it have to be what is surely one of the ugliest, creepiest looking insects that swarms every 17 years? ok ok, itd probably be worse if it were spiders, i guess. but seriously, can i just have a butterfly swarm instead? id even take the ladybug impersonating beetles we had before. they were annoying, but not scary or creepy or ugly. stupid cicadas.

the poor ducks!

so i realize that my reaction to a recent article in the New York Times seems like that of a kid in grade school, but i just cant help it! the article is about duck genitalia....yes, that's what i said. duck genitalia. oh, but it gets better! read on for some choice quotes from "In Ducks, War of the Sexes Plays Out in the Evolution of Genitalia" (with my commentary in italics):

“This guy’s the champion,” said Patricia Brennan, a behavioral ecologist, leaning over the nether regions of a duck — a Meller’s duck from Madagascar, to be specific — and carefully coaxing out his phallus. (yes, they actually said that --- "carefully coaxing out his phallus"....a duck phallus, to be specific. lol, thank god you dont have that job, right? what do you do for a living? oh, i coax duck phalluses. carefully. i carefully coax duck phalluses.)

The champion phallus from this Meller’s duck is a long, spiraling tentacle. Some ducks grow phalluses as long as their entire body. In the fall, the genitalia will disappear, only to reappear next spring. (a long spiraling tentacle? uhm, ew? and what happens to it when it disappears, thats what i want to know!)

Gazing at the enormous organs (which are "corkscrew" shaped?!?!), she asked herself a question that apparently no one had asked before. “So what does the female look like?” she said. “Obviously you can’t have something like that without some place to put it in. You need a garage to park the car.” (wtf? so scientists discovered weird duck penises and didnt bother to study the female duck anatomy? typical. typical, sexist, male dominated science bullshit. leave it to a woman to figure this out. a woman who should never again use the car/garage sex metaphor with any man who has read her use it for duck sex.)

To test her hypothesis, Dr. Brennan plans to team up with a biomechanics expert to build a transparent model of a female duck. She wants to see exactly what a duck phallus does during mating. (so if i understand this correctly, the scientists want to force the boy ducks to have sex with a plastic, see-through girl duck so they can watch. thats just a teeny tiny bit creepy, no?)

seriously. im not making this stuff up. read it for yourself! crazy, weird stuff. but definitely entertaining, especially if you have the maturity level of a kid in grade school. hehe.

jackpot!

i found the full version of the jim/dwight, dwight/jim scenes from The Office!!! *giggle*

bears, beets, battlestar galactica...

a prime example of why The Office is one of the best tv shows ever!



"identity theft is not a joke, jim!"

1 <3 netflix...

as a person who is very very bad at returning movie rentals on time, i have to say i love love love netflix. its like christmas in your mailbox! its nice to get something in the mail besides bills and solicitations.

today was a fantastically gorgeous day! and on a sunday to boot! it was the kind of day meant for naps, picnics in the park, and walks by the lake. i slept in and had a lazy morning. i remember lying in bed thinking "this is why i love living on my own". the windows were open so the breeze and sun could filter in. lucy and i were listening to the birds chirp and coo outside the window (lucy was licking her lips and preparing for pouncing; i was not). it was very peaceful and i loved it.

i eventually made my way to the park with my blanket and a book. i am reading the perks of being a wallflower, which was recommended by anna. it was also on the 3 for 2 table at Borders, which sealed the deal.

tangent alert!
(can i just say how much i love the 3 for 2 table at borders? i dont even shop through the store anymore -- i just head straight to the 3 for 2 table and see what i find. sometimes i end up with books ive been waiting for that just so happen to be on the cheap table, other times i end up picking random books i'd never heard of and might never have thought to read. the 3 for 2 table actually is really helpful to me. before i discovered it, i used to browse for at least an hour and end up with a huge stack of books, the cost of which i could not justify spending with my wimpy budget. then i'd have to start the process of agonizing over which books to put back. sometimes id get too frustrated and unable to decide, so id just leave empty handed. now, i can be in and out of borders with 3 books in 15 minutes. love it.)

ok, back to book/blanket/park. so yea, i read for a few hours, soaked up some sun, people/dog watched. you know what's weird? the park is right off lake shore drive, so you can see the cars zooming down the drive just past the fence at the edge of the park (this is not the weird part -- im getting to that). and i noticed that the sounds of the traffic sounded a lot like the sound of waves. i wasnt close enough to the lake for it to be that; it was definitely the traffic. if you ignore the engine-y sounds, the dull roar of the traffic speeding by sounds like waves! i kid you not. im not crazy... listen for yourself. lol, maybe this is just another sign that i truly am a city girl?

Master De

so, wow. i have a master's degree. i did my MA defense thing yesterday, and i passed! it went really well and i got a lot of positive feedback about my work. i cant stop smiling stupidly. i hung out with anna last night (more on that later) and she would randomly remind me about it and it has yet to fail to make me break out in a huge grin! at some point anna also recommended that people should call me Master De now. *giggle*

i cant believe im done. all along, ive been telling myself it's no big deal. lots of people have master's degrees, and i was surrounded by other people at school who would soon have master's degrees. but last night anna and i went to see Erik Larson talk. the person who introduced him briefly talked about his credentials, work, and life. when they discussed his educational background they of course mentioned his degrees and where he went to school. when they mentioned his master's degree, i thought to myself, "oh, right. it *is* a big deal. it is important!" hehe, im smiling stupidly again. and its not in an im-such-an-important-person-la-di-da kind of way, but just in a way where im realizing that yea, this really is a big accomplishment. and while i dont need a parade (tho i wouldnt turn one down!) for it, its also ok for me to admit to myself that this is a pretty big accomplishment and pat myself on the back for it.

so yea, anna and i hung out. we went to the Erik Larson event. i havent read any of his books yet (ive been meaning to read The Devil in the White City...just havent gotten to it yet), so i felt a little like i was doing something bad, lol. i enjoyed it anyway. Larson is a good speaker - funny and interesting. there was free food and wine, which anna and i enjoyed (perhaps a little too much? nah, not possible. hehe). then we went to Moody's (my fave, fave, fave place to drink these days) and had some yummy snacks and drinks. it was a great way to end a great day. hopefully there is more celebrating to be had!

amusement...

this is so so bad, but so so funny!



i know i shouldnt be laughing that they are teaching this poor kid horrible things, but she is so cute and funny!

"in a non-gay way..."

i love zach braff, i love zach braff! hehe. and this is one of the reasons why - this guy who is apparently a huge zach braff fan (and really, can we blame him? zach is awesome!) made a youtube video singing a song about zach braff...and zach braff posted it on his blog!



love it :)

still loving it...

so i keep having to update the link to the Switchfoot music video for Awakening cuz whenever i got back to rewatch it, the vid has been removed. well i found yet another one, and i wont be thwarted! mwuahahaha!



i really love this video -- its very entertaining and i enjoy that Buster from Arrested Development (ok ok, his name is actually Tony Hale) is in it. im really digging this song too. it fits me right now.

"Face down with the LA curbside endings
in the ones and zeros.
Downtown was the perfect place to hide.
The first star that I saw last night was a headlight
Of a man-made sky, but man-made never made our dreams collide,
Collide.

Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain,
We're awakening.
Here we are now with our desperate youth and pain,
We're awakening.
Maybe it's called ambition, you've been talking in your sleep
About a dream, we're awakening.

Last week saw me living for nothing but deadlines,
With my dead beat sky but, this town doesn't look the same tonight.
These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere
And in all my life I don't know if I've ever felt so alive,
Alive.

Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain,
We're awakening.
Here we are now with our desperate youth and pain,
We're awakening.
Maybe it's called ambition, but you've been talking in your sleep
About a dream, we're awakening.

I want to wake up kicking and screaming.
I want to wake up kicking and screaming.
I want to know that my heart's still beating,
It's beating
I'm bleeding.
I want to wake up kicking and screaming.
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving.
I want to know that my heart's still beating,
It's beating... it's beating...it's beating.
I'm bleeding.

Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain,
We're awakening.
Here we are now with our desperate youth and pain,
We're awakening.
Maybe it's called ambition, but you've been talk-talking in your sleep
About a dream, we're awakening.
Dream.
We're awakening."